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Cries from the Underworld beckon forth a shroud to block out the heavens...
10-13-2019, 04:44 PM (This post was last modified: 10-13-2019 05:12 PM by TeamBattleaxe.)
Post: #1
Cries from the Underworld beckon forth a shroud to block out the heavens...
'The signs of the underworld's restless state first reached the Capital with the sound of a distant cry from across the sea looking out towards the south. The hanging totems rattled on their threads above the city's streets for a short time. All the chatter and bustle of Shuido's markets and alleyways for a short time stood still before an anticipation of earthshaking led some startled citizens to grab the nearest sturdy structure. This was followed by a slight shaking but much to all's relief it was but enough to make drops of tea lash the rim of a cup and little more. The startled public soon set about their daily business once again though many would notably take a detour to the shrines and temples on their way. So the evening continued for most for the city into the night. The next morning however would not see the sun....'

'The sophisticated machines that were scattered around the Jishen-geke Institute all confirmed a major event had occurred. Metal balls had dropped, levers flipped and ripple devices revealed that the direction the tremors came from was south. The Supreme Board of the Institute were summoned and quickly asserted that Dakaavore, a fire mountain on the island of Hara, had finally awoken. They made haste to alert a nearby telegraph office and make sure the Khatun's officials knew as soon as was possible and also try to make contact with the island itself to know for sure what forces were making the ground cry so.'

[Image: uRgJidg.jpg]
'Tears of fire rained down on the sides of the mountain Dakaavore, from here it was that the great cry had begot a towering grey column of soot illuminated by the angry orange glow from below. This cry had been continually succeeded by whimpers from within the mountain as the great grey cloud floated overhead of the city of Cekinin. Witnesses say that as the cloud swallowed the sky it looked as if it was being pulled down back towards the earth, maybe falling under it's own weight, so heavy did it hang. The air was said to grow thicker until it was hard to breath and the city and it's surrounding grew greyer to the eye. Soon it was realised that a thick dust was cloaking the air and faces had to be covered and soon even eyes could not look in the grey for their irritation.

Then the thudding began, quickening in pace and increasing in power until it became smashing on roofs and through windows. No longer was it safe to be out under the open sky so people took refuge under shelter where they could. It is understood that some unfortunate and foolhardy souls who tested themselves against the brutal black rain met their death by blows from above to their heads, cracking their skulls. As the black refuse belched from the mountain built up on the roofs of building many of these building felt the strain and soon even they gave way and made tombs of though who fatefully sought safety beneath them. The safest place now was the down by the sea to await safe passage out of the reach of the death cloud upon ships. For many though the cloud had condemned them and as it fell from against the peak that birthed it, it lunged at the city and devoured it whole and lashed at the sea itself. All who had remained would perish, food for a smoke forged terror from realms below.'

'The sailors out in on the Sensumi saw not the warm glow of sunlight that morning after but an approaching wall of black and grey like the Yabane marching across the sky. The surface of the sea bore a thin coat of grey as well as soot which floated in the air that fell upon the decks like snow. A few captains had radio machines that could under fine conditions pick up the signals of other ships, among them those of the Senekan and the radio tower on shore but on this day the soot scrambled the air like an egg and only faint signals could be detected. Not till Senekan vessels, sent forth from the Capital after the event, meet ships out at sea did many crews know of the events unfolding. The Senekan itself has been commanded to increase patrols of the busy seas following the disaster on Hara and if necessary has been given powers to appropriate cargo from passing ships to aid the relief of the island.'

Extracts from a dramatised account of the events surrounding the Dakaavore Eruption of October 7579, written by Javar Zevin Batare, Chief Chronicler of the Zevin Clan and Journalist for Yottezam, one of Kamura's most widely circulated news editorials. Published soon after the event.

By Keija's Hand! Kamura Shapes the World!
10-13-2019, 04:56 PM
Post: #2
RE: Cries from the Underworld beckon forth a shroud to cover the world...
Another shot at creative writing on my part. I wouldn't mind a bit of critique.

It's a series of accounts from a Kamuran journalist and historian, dramatised in the typical Kamura style. Following this the eruption of Dakaavore a volcano on the island of Hara, due south Hanhara, the Senekan (The Kamuran Navy) increases patrols along the Southern Straits and is awarded greater powers to regulate ship traffic in and out of the Sensumi Sea.

Due to the strategic significance of the city of Cekinin, the island of Hara and the fractured nature of Southern Kamura's geography, the Kamuran government have considered these response to the eruption not just an issue of disaster relief but also of national security. Direct foreign assistance has been turned away and all organised response efforts are to be conducted through the Seneken.

By Keija's Hand! Kamura Shapes the World!
10-14-2019, 08:35 PM
Post: #3
RE: Cries from the Underworld beckon forth a shroud to block out the heavens...
TeamBattlexe Wrote:It's a series of accounts from a Kamuran journalist and historian, dramatised in the typical Kamura style.

As someone who loves in-world writing, this is great. A nice insight into a Kamuran disaster that will undoubtedly have a profound effect upon Kamuran society, at least in the short term. Just out of curiosity (and because I love this sort of worldbuilding) what is the 'typical Kamura style' of dramatisation? I'm always on the look out for new styles that Anisoran writers can imitate!

In terms of the writing, I liked it. If I was to suggest something, since you ask, I would say your sentences are a bit long. I think more punctuation to separate out your sub-clauses might help it flow a bit better? But overall really enjoyable!

10-16-2019, 09:33 PM
Post: #4
RE: Cries from the Underworld beckon forth a shroud to block out the heavens...
Those are not his sentences, those are Javar's LOL. Seriously, I like it that I have to make an effort to get the picture while having to work through wooly stuff that's drenched in a cultural background. Thumbs up!

VITTMARK:"This mess is a place." --- FISKS:"Fisk you!"
10-17-2019, 08:11 PM
Post: #5
RE: Cries from the Underworld beckon forth a shroud to block out the heavens...
Bit like a typical Guardian article let's be honest!

I was going for something dramatic and foreboding since the event will lead on to other events of geopolitical significance. Also wanted a style that evokes an East Asian flavour.

By Keija's Hand! Kamura Shapes the World!

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